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Oct. 25th, 2006 @ 03:23 pm Sometimes it's better to be oblivious...
I'm not one to usually dwell on these things, and most of the time I honestly forget about them, I tend to exist more in the moment, but it struck me last night that my original due date was last Wednesday. I didn't get on this track because I was sitting alone pining, but rather because I was wondering about my friend 'D' who is due today. It really, honestly was like a punch in the stomach and caught me completely off guard.

I don't expend energy to mourn for what could have been, because the reality is that there is no baby in our life and our lives have progressed down a different path. I do hope that we are not on this path much longer, but it does nothing for me or our relationship to look over at the 'what could have been' and want to be there. If I do that, I'm not enjoying the road I'm currently on. So I had my moment of mourning and then carried on. I'm sure there will be future days of mourning or anger or sadness, but for now the idea that we will one day be parents is like a carrot on a stick helping us on the way. Even after all these years I still manage to find hope somewhere.

I just received word that 'D' headed to the hospital at 5:22 am this morning, Baby Boy is on the way. How often does that happen?
Who does she think she is?
memorial
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From:tarheel_born
Date:October 25th, 2006 10:23 pm (UTC)
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It just sucks how it can hit you again and again and again, even when you aren't thinking about it. I always feel like I've been sucker punched when it happens to me.

I think it's incredible that you still have hope. I hold onto the fact that we will be parents, somehow, someway. That gets me trough a lot.

Here's hopind D has a bouncing baby boy, right on the due date.

Thinking of you.
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From:neeroc
Date:October 27th, 2006 07:13 am (UTC)
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Don't ya just wish you could hit back once? *g*

Oh, I think it's hope and pure pig-headedness. I hear ya, and I know you'll have your own baby one day too - here's to hoping that day comes soon!
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From:running5k2day
Date:October 25th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
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I am sorry that good loving people such as yourself and your d/h have a very difficult time having a child. It seems so unfair because of the bad things that you hear that occur to newborns that are abused and unwanted. I am however very proud of the way you have handled everything and happier still that you haven't given up. Please don't give up. I truly believe that it will happen very soon. Be happy for your friend "D" and don't let things like that eat away at your very soul~for things like that will surely prevent a baby.

Wishing I could hug ya right now. (( Hugs ))
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From:neeroc
Date:October 27th, 2006 07:09 am (UTC)
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Here's an e-hug back to you, I really appreciate how supportive you've been for the past year plus.
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From:friscokitty
Date:October 26th, 2006 03:51 am (UTC)
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((((HUGS))))
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From:neeroc
Date:October 27th, 2006 07:07 am (UTC)
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Thanks - how are you feeling? Anything? What is it they suggest - bumpy car rides and chinese food for dinner? *g*
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From:(Anonymous)
Date:October 27th, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC)
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Chinese food? I've had it for lunch twice this week...maybe the garlic will scare him out. :D
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From:friscokitty
Date:October 27th, 2006 05:29 pm (UTC)
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Duh! That was me.
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From:dadoffille
Date:October 26th, 2006 04:57 am (UTC)
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I am thinking of you and your husband, ((((Hugs)))

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From:neeroc
Date:October 27th, 2006 07:08 am (UTC)
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Thank you very much Jude.
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From:devaux
Date:October 26th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
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I totally know how you feel. My neighbor, who found out she was pregnant (and who wasn't even trying by the way) while I was taking round 2 of Clomid, is being induced tomorrow. I looked at their house this morning while getting ready for work and thought how lucky they were and wondered about the excitement and joy they must be feeling. And then I took only a few seconds to feel sorry for myself and moved on. Not bad, IMHO. I must be moving past it all, right? Even if I'm not, I'm trying to convince myself that I am.

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From:neeroc
Date:October 27th, 2006 07:08 am (UTC)
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((hugs))
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From:devaux
Date:October 27th, 2006 01:06 pm (UTC)
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Right back at you. ((hugs))
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From:moongarden1971
Date:October 28th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC)
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I have two weeks until my ex best friend delivers her first and it is so hard I can hardly stand it. I don't know what I'm going to do to get through it. I have completely ignored her since her 35th week and she STILL sends pictures (see my journal) of her bloated body and stupid nursery.

It hurts me SO much and she KNOWS it does. She knows I'm too sick to ever have my own child yet it's like she enjoys rubbing it in my face.

If things were revered, I would not even consider sending her such things. How can people be so fucking cruel?

I understand somewhat how you feel. Let me tell you that it is very hard too to BE fertile yet NOT be able to do a damn thing with it. It is extremely hard.
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