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Nov. 6th, 2006 @ 11:01 pm and the bad news....
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The weekend started off with a kick in the stomach of sorts. Wednesday night at dinner, Heho ordered a non-alcoholic drink and Snorie started quizzing her about being pregnant. She is. Just. 7 weeks to be precise, due June 19th. She had been to the doctor's that day to confirm. I went out for lunch with her on October 4th and asked her at the time if she was pregnant. My nightmare scenario was to be there with the 3 pregnant women. She didn't know then, and answered me truthfully that she wasn't. You have know idea what it was like to be there for the entire 5 days with my 3 closest friends, all of whom are pregnant. And every time I turned around it was the 4 of us sat together. The four women of child-bearing age, and I'm now the only one that wasn't pregnant. Of course the talk was all about babies, and knitting for babies and every other woman that came over had to talk to Snorie. I spent a lot of time by myself or with other retreaters as I really couldn't handle all the pregnancy talk.

I'd started off on such a high too, earlier Wednesday afternoon hubby and I had met with the RE and gotten the results of the genetic testing and the blood tests. Everything is normal. Which is good, we can try again, but we have no idea why we miscarried twice. While there we discussed possibly being more aggressive this round, and although he won't agree to more drugs, he said we could negotiate when they decrease my stims. I also insisted that we use IM PIO rather than progesterone suppositories, and his comment was, 'Really? It's your butt', which amused me.

Adding to the hormonalness (yes I've made it a word) of the weekend, I got my long awaited day 1 on Sunday. Good? Not so much. The timing means my cycle would be retrieval on the 24th of December. The clinic used to close down between Christmas and New Years, meaning I'd be waiting until January again.

When the clinic called this afternoon to collect their $7550 I asked them to check first if I would be getting bumped until January. The key is that as soon as I get a schedule, they want money. If they can't get me in in December I'll at least get the dates for January. I'll hear back tomorrow morning. Good news is that Snorie has an extra 600IU of Puregon, so that's $650 I don't need to spend.

How did this happen? How is it that for the past 10 years I've been surrounded by women my own age who were childless, and I was the only one trying to get pregnant. Now I feel like I'm the only one who's not pregnant.
Who does she think she is?
catspit
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From:redgemini
Date:November 7th, 2006 06:21 am (UTC)
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((((neeroc))) I am so sorry for the ruined retreat :( Five of my closest friends were all due within 6 weeks of each other last year, and it was a horrible, lonely experience. I can only imagine what it was like with no escape route!
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From:friscokitty
Date:November 7th, 2006 08:24 am (UTC)
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Shit.

Sometimes, it just seems like the Universe is trying to rub it in....:(
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From:running5k2day
Date:November 7th, 2006 12:41 pm (UTC)
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Wow~that must have been real hard. I am so sorry that you have been through so much, but I really do pray and pray that this will all just be a faint memory and that you and dear hubby will be blessed with a little on very soon. It's hard keeping a smile on and pretending that the pain doesn't exist. It's hard to continue playing along while you cry and feel like dying on the inside. Please don't get stressed out and try not to cry...let's not give up just yet. It will happen. It will. Have you guys looked into that embryo glue? It's supposed to keep that baby stuck in place. Sounds weird, but they say it really works. Anyone heard of it?

Hey-happy to hear that the blood test revealed no problems and everything looks good. Getting aggressive on the med's-ouchie. Well, if you have to...you have to. I know that I would complain and cry but it really is going to be worth it at the end. Just say that everytime before the shots. It will happen.
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From:piknik
Date:November 7th, 2006 01:01 pm (UTC)
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I'm so sorry, I wish the universe could just lay the fuck off sometimes, you know? when we were still trying, my best friend got me a "fertility necklace" which was blessed for getting pregnant. she took it out and looked at it and then wrapped it up for me for Christmas. she was pregnant by the time I received it as a gift. I don't know that I believe in all that kind of crap, but it sure seemed like it worked for her.

what hormone levels did they check? I think I mentioned earlier that my new doc (now the fourth RE we've seen) said that even sub-clinical, non-symptomatic hypothyroidism can be a huge cause of miscarriage (which is why I'm now being treated for it). it seems that you're not having trouble with the embryos at this point, right? it's actually keeping them. I agree that you should be on IM progesterone, not the suppositories. my new doc said that she only uses the suppositories to soften the cervix before the transfer. I just don't think that you can be sure you're getting enough of it absorbed, and the progesterone is what supports the uterus lining, so that may make sense in miscarriage.

on a positive note, maybe we can be IVF buddies!! depending on when I get my period, I may start a new fresh cycle for transfer in either December or January. my most recent beta (yesterday) was negative, so that's two frozen cycles down the drain.
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From:tarheel_born
Date:November 7th, 2006 02:17 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad the genetic testing and blood tests came back fine at least.

I'm so sorry about the weekend. It sounds incredibly difficult. I think I'd go stark raving bonkers if I were surrounded by that many pregnant women, especially if they were friends. It just gets harder, doesn't it? And that's not fair at all, what with all the other crap we have to endure.

Here's to your time coming very soon.
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From:radiostace
Date:November 7th, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC)
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Yep... I can relate. I just have zero hope in ever getting pregnant. Zero.

Also, I'm starting to second guess the adoption process after getting turned down twice, not to mention seeing 2 friends track down their bio parents and brush off the parents who raised them.
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From:devaux
Date:November 7th, 2006 07:08 pm (UTC)
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**hugs**

Good luck this time around!
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From:moongarden1971
Date:November 10th, 2006 05:24 am (UTC)
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I have been exactly where you are at, my sister, best friend, and her best friend all three knocked up at the same time and me with them and they all talking about babies and me trying to hold back tears because I want a baby so much too.

I can't explain how much you feel like dirt when you ARE fertile yet you are too physically and mentally sick to allow yourself to become pregnant. You have to fight with yourself every single day of the week, hell every hour on why you cannont ever have a child of your own even though your body aches for one and CAN have one if you would let it.

I am in a different position from you but it is the same too. I get so angry sometimes I want to scream. And now that my ex best friend is due to give birth any day now, I'm more on edge than ever. And her pregnancy is WHY we ARE EX best friends. I simply could not deal with it so I chose to avoid her as much as possible.

I hurt like hell and I understand. HUGS!
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