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Mar. 17th, 2007 @ 09:37 am IVF update
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
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Yesterday we were up at O'way-too-early to get in to the clinic at 7:30. I was the only retrieval they had scheduled yesterday, so the retrieval staff were quite relaxed. After several pokes and jabs (antibiotics, relaxants (aka drooly drugs) and the IV) they started me on a medication to bring my heartrate up - it's generally 53 bpm at rest and they worried about it being so low and the ketamine (there was a cocktail but that's the only name I remember).

I was wheeled into the retrieval room and prepped and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter. My clinic is not in a hospital and does not have an anesthesiologist, so the procedure is always done awake. This being the fifth time, I'm pretty used to it, and they are very good at managing discomfort.

The only pain worse than having a needle jabbed repeatedly into your ovaries is finding out that they did not find a single egg in all those lovely follicles. This is what happened on my left side. The did find a great deal of blood in one of the follicles and they figure that it absorbed all of the hormones and trigger meds. I was as upset as the meds allowed.

Before switching to the right, a second doctor came in to finish the procedure, I guess a two sets of eyes sort of thing. Out of all the follicles on my right side, they found a total of 6 eggs. This almost guarantees that this will be a 3 day transfer, if any, as in order to go to 5, you need to have 5 fertilized on Day 2.

I am heartbroken and fearful that we will end up with no fertilized eggs this time. My mind and my heart aren't on speaking terms at the moment. I know I should be relaxing and taking it easy, but it is almost impossible. I know it only takes one, but I am not convinced that we will get one. They will be calling this afternoon with a fertilization report, I'm not sure how I'm going to stop obsessing until then. When I wasn't sleeping the drugs off yesterday I was crying.

For being such a natural pessimist, I never saw this coming. I mean, I've always had tonnes of eggs. I've always gotten at least a few fertilized. We usually go to Day-5 transfer. I was prepared for another miscarriage, another non-pregnancy, but to not even get the chance? I'm just not ready to handle that.

Topping all of this wonderfulness off, today is the one year anniversary of our second ultrasound. The one where they found no heartbeat. I guess I shouldn't have expected to divert my attention from that with looking forward to another chance at pregnancy.
Who does she think she is?
catspit
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From:heathog
Date:March 17th, 2007 01:54 pm (UTC)
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Oh sweetie, unhappy anniversaries are the worst, especially when confronted with the possibility of another negative outcome. However, THE FAT LADY HAS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT SUNG YET, so please don't give up all hope!!! Many people get pregnant with a 3 day transfer (including myself), so please try your best to at least not be negative!! I wish there were some words of wisdom and comfort (especially comfort) I could offer you right now, but we both know that only time will bring those.

I am still praying for you, and keeping my fingers crossed! You are an AWESOME person and friend, and I hope that all your dreams come true SOON!!
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From:glowy_lovers
Date:March 17th, 2007 01:56 pm (UTC)
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*Hugs* osyitive thoughts still coming your way. I knwo what a no heartbeat ultrasound is like , have experienced that so please don't think my thoughts are half hearted . I know what you are going through x
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From:glowy_lovers
Date:March 17th, 2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
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and that should be *positive , what is my spelling like ? :(
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From:ladybug777
Date:March 17th, 2007 03:05 pm (UTC)
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I'm so sorry your ER didn't go better. So sorry.

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From:friscokitty
Date:March 17th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
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(((HUGS)))
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From:jennygel7
Date:March 17th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
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I never know what to say when anyone is sad or facing a situation that I have no experience in. I can only imagine what you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you.
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From:tarheel_born
Date:March 17th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
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I'm so sorry that your retrieval didn't go better. To have it on the same day as a painful anniversary is just rubbing salt in the wound.

Not to be a pollyanna but it really is quality over quantity and I'm betting those six eggs are good ones. I hope you get some good news from the fert report. Thinking of you.
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From:piknik
Date:March 17th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
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good luck, I hope your report comes back positive!! there's still hope, it only takes one embryo!
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From:running5k2day
Date:March 17th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
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Okay-okay...so the retrieval wasn't the greatest, but you are forgetting that they did retrieve 6 eggs. This is still wonderful and hopeful. Now, I am going to pray that those little eggs fertilize well and grow & grow. Perhaps your little angel that passed on this day will whisper into God's ear to grant you this wish/prayer. Let's not give up. Let's keep up the prayers. (( Hugs ))
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From:dadoffille
Date:March 17th, 2007 09:54 pm (UTC)
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(((((HUGS)))) sweetie; please know that you are in my thoughts...

Judith
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