neeroc (neeroc) wrote,
neeroc
neeroc

Small steps

I went to work today. I didn't really realize how sad I was until I was out among other people. People that I've had an easy relationship with in the past I just don't know how to socialize with right now. The guys missed me and made a big fuss about how I was back and the office wouldn't be quiet anymore - I'm sure they'll regret that some day.

At lunch I went out with my fellow knitwit Nora, we first hit the local yarn store, where I got lots of hugs and a few eeeee!'s from Louise. It was a beautiful day out and neither of us felt like going back after visiting the yarn pimp, so we hit the local Starbucks for a snack and cappuccino. I haven't had one of those in forever. It was nice to sit out without a jacket. It appears that it's a bit more caffeine than I'm used to as I'm up several hours later than I should be.

I am depressed and don't want to admit it for a variety of stupid reasons, including, but not limited to: it could jeopardize the timing of future IVF attempts, it could impact any adoption/fostering decisions we make, it will affect my work and I don't have a family doctor at the moment. Adoption and fostering were never an 'or' to us, they were always an 'and'. It's way too early to start talking about it, but it'll be there some day. The depression isn't as bad as it has been, but I am seeing some signs and I'm hoping that I can just acknowledge it and work through it.
Tags: depression, ivf, miscarriage
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