• Mood: crushed

IVF paranoia

This really hasn't been a good weekend for me. I woke up Sunday morning and no longer felt pregnant, I know it has only been a week, but I was so positive after the transfer and had some early symptoms that I was feeling really good all week. I'm sure some of what I was feeling was left over from the procedure, but I identified it with the way I was feeling in January. I don't know what I was expecting after my M/C, but I think part of me thought I would go back to feeling pregnant immediately and that hasn't happened. I know it is way too early to tell, but I feel I *should* know. I had a few minor symptoms earlier in the week, and then I woke up Sunday morning and didn't 'feel' pregnant at all. I've been down since then, crying at anything. I stopped 'feeling' pregnant before my M/C and I just *know* that this is going to be the same. Hubby has been doing the best he can, I've talked to him about what I'm feeling and it upsets him a lot, so I tend to keep these things to myself. I know it's not fair to him, because he shouldn't be taken by surprise, but I hate upsetting him. He keeps telling me that I'm wrong, but I'm having a really hard time of it. To top things off, Sunday afternoon I started spotting. I know they say not to worry, spotting is normal, and can occur, but to me all it has ever been is the start of another failed IVF attempt. I've been resting as much as possible, and I'll be 14 DPO tomorrow, and my beta isn't scheduled until Friday. I'm really torn about getting a HPT. I've never used them before, and I don't know what I want to find out.

All I have been doing is sitting here weighing whether I really think it worked this time or not. I want to be hopeful, but I want to be realistic too. If this is over, I want to get on with it. The thought of not being pregnant again brings more pain than I can deal with right now though, so I really don't want it to be over.