neeroc (neeroc) wrote,

Sometimes it's better to be oblivious...

I'm not one to usually dwell on these things, and most of the time I honestly forget about them, I tend to exist more in the moment, but it struck me last night that my original due date was last Wednesday. I didn't get on this track because I was sitting alone pining, but rather because I was wondering about my friend 'D' who is due today. It really, honestly was like a punch in the stomach and caught me completely off guard.

I don't expend energy to mourn for what could have been, because the reality is that there is no baby in our life and our lives have progressed down a different path. I do hope that we are not on this path much longer, but it does nothing for me or our relationship to look over at the 'what could have been' and want to be there. If I do that, I'm not enjoying the road I'm currently on. So I had my moment of mourning and then carried on. I'm sure there will be future days of mourning or anger or sadness, but for now the idea that we will one day be parents is like a carrot on a stick helping us on the way. Even after all these years I still manage to find hope somewhere.

I just received word that 'D' headed to the hospital at 5:22 am this morning, Baby Boy is on the way. How often does that happen?
Tags: miscarriage
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