All I've been doing these past weeks is living inside my head and I can't stop the obsessing. Luckily the ultrasound is tomorrow so I will soon know how things are going and whether I'm still pregnant and if it's viable. It is so frustrating to have my life on hold like this. I much preferred the feelings I had last year where I knew I was pregnant and up until the ultrasound it appeared to be clear sailing. This 7w4d curse is hell. I am invited to poker on Wednesday, and I can't even RSVP until tomorrow - I don't want to commit and then not feel like going. I want to host some events - same story. What are we doing with the foster dog? Don't know yet. Am I going knitting? Same. Am I buying that new CBR 600RR? Gaaa!
Am I having pregnancy symptoms or are they side effects of all the hormones I'm taking? How bloody frustrating. The drugs should clearly indicate which side effects are theirs, and there should be no overlap.
I know, don't tell me, stop worrying about it, it will be fine. But it's not so easy for me to have that confidence. If it wasn't shot after the first miscarriage, the second one did me in. I would do IVF 100 more times, but hubby will not. Not only that, but I think this round my body was giving me some pretty clear signals that it's done with the IVF protocol.
In the news of the irritating - I ran out of my injection progesterone with 1 day left. Of course it's a vial, so I have to go buy 10 days' worth - I was considering not doing it tonight (really - my US could have been today) but again, if something went wrong, it would always be a factor... (did I mention I'm a bit psycho?)
Hubby complains I'm grumpy (okay maybe it's more along the lines of 'wow you're a huge bitch these days!') but not only would you think he'd understand, he himself is running a damn short fuse. And sense of humour? MIA. I can't wait for this to be over. I know I may still have 7 or so months to go, but I can guarantee they won't be anything like this. While I was creating this update, he came up to discuss a build-in I want in the living room. - I interrupted him, with a picture that was perfectly describing what I wanted, so he's stormed off - lovely and stress-free, that's me.
Oh, I'm outgrowing my clothes. I'm currently wearing my sister's elastic waisted, what she wore before mat clothes clothes, but limbo again about whether I need to buy different clothes. It also doesn't help that my summer stuff from last year was from when I was at least 10 pounds lighter...
Really, not much else, and the only thing on my mind is my appointment tomorrow morning. I have the ultrasound at 11:30 and then have to wait until 1:30 to see my doctor. They give me the report though, so if they tech isn't very forthcoming, I may just have to investigate. Cruel and unusual I tell ya.
I'm sure I'll be out of this funk soon.
In other, better, yummy news, my sister and her hubby went to Toronto this weekend and brought me back some of the best mutter paneer roti ever - from Ghandi's. I devoured it for dinner tonight. It's even good when it's a day old and reheated. Anyone from T-dot ever wants to visit, come bearing roti and you can stay for as long as you'd like.
I have become a
Sasha went up for adoption this weekend, we'll see how that goes. When I let hubby know on Thursday that she would be added to the rescue site, he replied with a :(
This is the man that is dead set against a second dog. This is also the man that I found cuddling with her Sunday morning *g* He acts all tough and stuff, but he's a real softie, just don't tell him I told you.
Hubby went out for his first ride of the season. Friends of ours who were intending to move to Toronto decided to stay in O-town, and P bought a new CBR1000. After last week's snow he was itching to ride it - so off they went Saturday morning. 450 kilometers later hubby returned home, tired and hot, but happy. That was the longest ride he's been on in forever. And I'm only completely jealous.
I finally and officially turned the furnace off 4 days ago - and it's going to stay that way until October! I'm putting my foot down, gingerly lest it shatter, but down none the less.
In their infinite wisdom, my company has off-shored our phone support. Today I had the privilege of calling to have my v-mail password reset. Guy asks for my telephone number which I give him, and he finally repeats it back to me correctly. He then placed me on hold for 15 minutes, coming back every 2 or so to tell me he was 'investigating' his db and needed to put me on hold for a few more. At the 16 minute mark he came back on the phone to let me know that my number wasn't supported, he couldn't find it in the system. Numbers starting with 270, 726, 599 were supported, but not my 591 number. Well holy crap! I freaking set the VoIP system up for our lab, I know the numbers are legit, and I've had my freaking number for 3 years. So I politely suggested he find a way to find my number and get me supported.
I should mention at this point that he was 'investigating' to get further info to put in the ticket to pass along to a second line support person! 1st level support doesn't reset passwords! Really. Is there any more basic task? 15 more minutes on hold and my number miraculously appeared in his db and he could pass my ticket along.
At least it took my mind off tomorrow. *g*