May 2nd, 2005


(no subject)

I'm sitting here with the treadmill staring accusingly at me. After sitting at the Inn knitting for 5 days, I've discovered that I've pretty well seized up. Of course, I wasn't only sitting around knitting, I was eating the huge meals they prepared for us 2 or 3 times a day.

Here's my 'should' list:
clean the house,
work on the taxes,
do some stuff for work,
fix the computer that died a month ago,
figure out why hubby's VPN connection drops randomly,
sort out my scrapbooking stuff
clean my craft room (which would have the added bonus of getting the crafting table out of the living room)
knit (not really a should, but when you consider that I probably have 20 projects on the needles, finishing some would make sense)
play with the dog (training really)

But I'm just so under-motivated and over-whelmed these days. I'm sure part of it is the anxiety about the FET (frozen embryo transfer) on the 10th, but I also find myself really hating my job. I like the people (well most of them), and generally like what I do, but can not stand the company and the bureaucracy. I know - so why don't you leave? Well, I wish I could, but I have zero confidence when it comes to this area. I've been at the same company (well it was a small software co. that was bought by a mega software co.) for 15 years now, so its really been the only job I've ever had. I don't have a resume, I don't have any formal training to speak of, and the prospect of sorting through all that terrifies me. It doesn't help either that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and although I like the job, its not my passion. I tend to run more towards the artsy sort of passions - knitting, candlemaking, scrapbooking... A dream 'job' for me is finding a big old house by the river, converting it to a B&B and hosting crafting retreats. But hubby left his job a year ago, and is still trying to find his way, so chucking it all really isn't an option at this point.

Sigh, grumble, off to muck around and see if I can be productive.
  • Current Mood
    stressed out of sorts

(no subject)

I'm so easily de/un-motivated. I started cleaning out the craft room, got a bunch of junk moved out of the way so I could clean and have room to turn around. Worked on it for about an hour, and hubby came home. He suggested a more permanent setup in there so I don't have to keep moving the table around. This would involve building a laminate counter. Also said it was no rush to get the table out of the living room. So immediate end to cleaning, into the kitchen to fix up a peanut butter and honey sandwich, and I'm back on the couch.

And now its 11pm. Well stumbling off to bed.