March 18th, 2006


Ultrasound follow-up

We had the follow-up ultrasound Friday afternoon. As I'd been fearing our embryo stopped growing shortly after our appointment last Tuesday. At this point I can't think about it without crying. I stopped feeling pregnant last Thursday, but was hoping that it was all in my mind.

They started off with a trans-abdominal ultrasound, and immediately we could tell there was a problem. Where we could see the heart beating before, there was nothing. Hubby was still hopeful that the TVU would give better results, but I knew at that point our dream was over. The tech called a doctor in to evaluate the images, and he confirmed that our embryo had died, there was no heartbeat and the yolk sac had crumpled. We had to wait an hour to see the RE, and they were kind enough to take us out of the waiting room so we could grieve in private.

Right after our appointment yesterday we had to run some errands, then go over to the in-laws' for his sister's birthday. Today I had to buy gifts for, then attend a bridal shower, and tomorrow I have a scrapbooking class. Next week is a hellish week at work, and I don't want to do any of this, I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. I don't want to cry in front of hubby it just upsets him and I hate to see how hurt he is. He's crushed and trying to be supportive and wonderful for me, but we're really just zombies at the moment.

I have opted against a D&C, I am going to wait a week or so, and if I don't miscarry naturally the doctor has prescribed some medication. I can't explain why but I just cannot do a D&C, but I hate waiting to miscarry. I hate this whole thing. I don't want to think about the dead baby inside of me, I don't want to think that I'll never give birth, I don't want to talk to all our well meaning friends who say we can try again. I think it would have been better if this round had failed, if I never experienced a pregnancy at all even if it was for only 7 weeks, it gave us hope and now that's gone.