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Sep. 28th, 2005 @ 11:19 am Clowns
Current Mood: sillysilly
I had just had a conversation with this dev where he was totally shocked at my new 'do. He laughed at me and joked a bit, and when he got back to his desk he IM'd me to say he hoped I wasn't insulted. I explained that when I deal with devs, if they notice, even if they say 'wow you look like crap!' I take it as a compliment. Lets face it, not always up on the social skills some of these boys.

Sadly for him, he kept talking:

developer (11:17 AM) - you don't look like crap, but your hair looks better red or dark
me (11:17 AM) - thanks
developer (11:17 AM) - it wasn't supposed to be a compliment actually
me (11:17 AM) - well you did say I didn't look like crap
me (11:17 AM) - *g*
developer (11:17 AM) - correct, you never do, but you hair does:)
me (11:18 AM) - you are just too sweet
developer (11:18 AM) - always

And they wonder why they can't get laid.
Who does she think she is?
idiots
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From:beccak1961
Date:September 28th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC)
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Wow, like he has a right to comment either way.
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From:neeroc
Date:September 28th, 2005 06:09 pm (UTC)
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It amuses me that they consider this to be acceptable dialog. Apparently a bunch of them missed the 'if you can't say something nice' lessons. *g*
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From:jeaniemarie11
Date:September 28th, 2005 06:00 pm (UTC)
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Wow, you are really a nice person. I think I would have told him where to stick his opinion. But I'm just like that. :)
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From:neeroc
Date:September 28th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
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Meh - I just consider the source. It's not like he's the only one around here that would talk like that. I've been around these guys 15 years, its kinda funny to interact with them.
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From:friscokitty
Date:September 28th, 2005 06:43 pm (UTC)
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*slaps forehead*

SOCIAL SKILLS, people, SOCIAL SKILLS...
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From:neeroc
Date:September 28th, 2005 08:32 pm (UTC)
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Hey! I should have slapped his forehead. Violence always gets through to them. *g*
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From:mikeinthemoment
Date:September 28th, 2005 08:56 pm (UTC)

Social Skills?

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If lying to and bs'ing someone is a vital part of having social skills then I am going to put my social skills away and lock the key!

You've known these folks a long time so they probably feel comfortable enough with you to have this kind of a dialogue with you and know you're not going to fall apart over it. Hell, you're a girl and they're not skittering away back to their desks to hide behind their monitors, so that means they have to have a significant level of comfort in dealing with you!...heheheheheh.

I fully realize how easily offended some are about their weight or age or what have you, but if I'm asked for what I think or how I feel about something, I'm damn well gonna say what I feel or think about it, and it ain't no one's fault but the asker's if'n they don't like the answer.

The guy was honest, and I'll guess probably pullin your chain. Be thankful you have honest folk like him in your life...*grin*
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From:thorne073
Date:September 29th, 2005 12:49 pm (UTC)

Re: Social Skills?

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Ewww.

First, I didn't read the part where Neeroc *asked* for the dev's opinion. Second, I didn't read the part -- in ANY text -- where this kind of rudeness is acceptable. Makes me want to break out the fava beans and chianti.
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From:mikeinthemoment
Date:September 29th, 2005 02:23 pm (UTC)

Re: Social Skills?

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"First, I didn't read the part where Neeroc *asked* for the dev's opinion."

You also didn't grasp the intended underlying meaning of the underscoring of the words, "If I'm asked", which was meant to acknowledge that the dev gave his opinion unsolicited and emphasizing that honesty should be the policy only when an opinion is ASKED FOR.

However, this is not your fault as I didn't make it clearer, thinking that the underscoring alone would explain it all in proper context, and not realizing that it could possibly be interpreted in exactly the opposite way. I shall endeavour to engage in legalese when commenting in the future...*g*

"Second, I didn't read the part -- in ANY text -- where this kind of rudeness is acceptable."

It is TYPICAL in a given social situation for people to lie in order to "spare" someone's feelings. "Oh what a cute baby" says the 'nice' friend about her friend's horrendous looking child, "Oh you're so thin already, you don't need to lose any weight" says the 'nice' acquaintance to a plump co-worker who's trying a new diet.

I have been given no reason to understand that this particular social exchange was anything other than typical for these two, thus my reaction.

It's not rude to be honest when your opinion is being asked for, and yes I understand that the dev's opinion wasn't asked for, it's just that giving one's honest assessment is not politically correct.
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From:neeroc
Date:September 29th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)

Defenestration delayed

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You know, that's exactly how I read it too. Thanks for having my back, I know who to call if I get sick of these guys! As I commented to MITM it really amuses me that they consider this acceptable. It's a bizarre little sub-culture for sure.
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From:neeroc
Date:September 29th, 2005 12:53 pm (UTC)

Re: Social Skills?

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but if I'm asked for what I think

There is the basic flaw in your argument. This was totally unsolicited. How often to you walk up to an acquaintance/co-worker and go, 'hi, wow your hair looks like crap' bahahaha? I would assume that if you felt the need to note the change in style, you would leave it at 'wow, you got your hair cut' or 'new colour' (the whole if you don't have something nice to say thing)

I liken this dialog more to the 6 year old on the playground punching me because he likes me. This is some sort of show of comraderie (as near as I can figure out anyways). So ya, he was pulling my chain.

You are right though, I'm not insulted by it, but it does amuse me that they think this is appropriate.
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From:mikeinthemoment
Date:September 29th, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)

Re: Social Skills?

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as above:

"You also didn't grasp the intended underlying meaning of the underscoring of the words, "If I'm asked", which was meant to acknowledge that the dev gave his opinion unsolicited and emphasizing that honesty should be the policy only when an opinion is ASKED FOR.

However, this is not your fault as I didn't make it clearer, thinking that the underscoring alone would explain it all in proper context, and not realizing that it could possibly be interpreted in exactly the opposite way. I shall endeavour to engage in legalese when commenting in the future...*g*".

Rocking the cradle of love,


MITM...;)
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From:neeroc
Date:September 29th, 2005 04:39 pm (UTC)

Re: Social Skills?

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Sorry man - that's what I get for reading my LJ at 6am - not enough coffee to grasp the not-so-subtleties. I was assuming that you were assuming, and made an ass *g*.

Sure, I'd appreciate it if I asked what he thought and he said it was crap. I've honestly been afraid that peeps are telling me it looks good when it doesn't. But I would chose someone whose opinion I valued, not some dev who still wears sports socks with too-short khakis and Berks.
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